Life is too important to be taken seriously - O.Wilde
Kristina's blog
Monday, July 31, 2006
Not a single piece of chocolate this morning
Just now, I cracked how IMF and UNDP calculate their GDP growth rates for various time periods. I had to refresh my basic algebra memory – how could I forget how to calculate an n-th root of a number! Well, I still don’t know how to do it on paper for numbers over 1, 2, 3, many, but at least now I know the formula for it in Excel, which makes life so much easier. And then I had a vivid practical experience of how a little change in the source data may completely mess up all your calculations. I experienced the real difference between calculating GDP in current and constant prices, and found out that population growth makes a huge difference in macroeconomic terms when the results for total GDP growth and per capita GDP growth were obviously not the same.
No matter how awfully boring this blog posting may sound to some of my more imaginative readers, all these numeric discoveries have really been amusing me since the early hours of this morning.
There are a few things that improve my mood better than chocolate. They are both a little bizarre in character. The first one is due to its story, the second one – due to its nature.
The thing number one is actually a song, and a fairly predictable one – Only Time by Enya. What makes it a little odd is how I started liking it. A few years ago, in New York, I had a horrible bad-horse-day. First, my horse stepped on my foot; then, it was the most stubborn creature in the world; and finally, it just threw me off its back. I was so frustrated, about to burst into tears. My teacher felt sorry for me and let me stay for a dressage lesson with a more advanced group. That was my dream come true – a dressage lesson! The lesson started, Only Time was playing, and I was trotting on a nice calm horse and feeling absolutely happy. Since that weird incident, I just love the song.
The second thing that works magic on my mood is… statistics – I can't help it, but I love playing around with numbers.
Estonians say that there are two good moments about guests – when they come… and when they leave. I think it is only true about guests who come for a night. Japanese say that you are a guest only if you stay for less than 3 days – if you stay longer, you are family.
I just walked Saki to the bus, Marina called from the airport, Vishen is already in KL, Anton and Irina are going to Turkey for a holiday. And just a few days ago, my home was full of people. I feel like my family has left me, I’m alone…
Here’s another dream I had a few days ago… Soon, this blog will be a guidebook to my subconscious.
I went sky-diving. It was the same place in New York and I had exactly the same instructor as two years ago. I even asked for a video to be taken this time. I put on the gear and it was so exciting. I was absolutely happy and it felt very realistic. We boarded the plane, and then, before I got to jump out of it, I woke up. What a disappointment! Why do all the good dreams end before the best part? And it was so realistic – I could not believe it was just a dream.
Marina, Irina and Sheena came to visit us in Scotland. That was quite a weekend!
On the pictures, the girls are storming Edinburgh castle with William Wallace, climbing Arthur's Seat, exploring Stirling castle, posing with a swan in Holyrood park, rocking at home, taking the Rabbit to the Highlands, posing again in Queensferry and napping in a castle on Loch Ness.
I have discovered a new thing about myself here in Edinburgh – I see strange SiFi space dreams. The other night, I had the second dream of that sort. This time, it had no plot, but it was quite colorful, elaborate and with cool special effects.
It all started with a half-moon somewhere above the castle. Then, it grew bigger and I saw the Earth and the sun light in the dark cosmic sky. The whole thing started rotating and moving as if it was a model for studying phases of the moon. Then, I saw the huge sun burning and boiling and the planets of our solar system. The whole thing then started moving away and I saw our galaxy, and then the universe. After I saw the “full picture”, the system started moving back on me and I saw our galaxy, and the solar system, and the Earth, and the moon in the night sky again. The nice thing about this astronomical tour was that my model of the universe was activated by will, with just the power of my own thought. Makes you feel somewhat divine.
Somewhere between stages 2 and 6 of avoiding writing my dissertation, I discovered Jose Gonzalez – a Swedish singer-songwriter. With just one album (the song “Slow Moves” to be precise), he joined the ranks of my most favourite men. Oh well, for the curious I’ll disclose the magic names for my ears: Andrew Bird, Sam Beam, Sufjan Stevens, and now Jose Gonzalez.
Being in the very middle of writing my dissertation, this kind of blog postings are more or less natural.
Eight stages of avoiding work - they evolve with time as you have less excuses and the pressure of deadlines starts stressing you out, yet you can’t help inventing reasons not to work:
Stage 1. You do all the chores around the house as it suddenly becomes very important that all your dishes are done, your T-shirts are ironed and all your socks are paired up.
Stage 2. You perform important maintenance tasks on your computer – clean up and defragment your disks, may be even reformat your computer, thinking that it is important to have your “working tools” in top order. Alternatively, you may do some other stuff in your computer – check emails, sort out old and useless documents, read the news or write an article/blog posting, hoping that just the fact of being with the computer makes you a little more productive.
Stage 3. You make a work plan and write it down as precisely as you can with little deadlines for yourself.
Stage 4. You prepare a bibliography list or a list of sources you want to look up next. Alternatively, you go and make carbon copies of some half-relevant articles to go through. Alternatively, you try to put all your loose draft papers and article copies into a semi-logical order.
Stage 5. You format your mostly empty draft paper, adjust the font size and line spacing, number the chapters and write “blah-blah-blah” to show that there will be some text later.
Stage 6. You count how many letters/words/pages you have already written and calculate how many per cent that would make of the whole paper.
Stage 7. You read through your notes and drafts once again, hoping that it will give you new ideas.
Stage 8. You go and make yourself another coffee as this is the only way to stay up through the night and finish your work in time.
I want to thank my dear flatmate and a perfect geek Alan for the moral support in inventing the ways of avoiding work.
My Japanese friend Saki wrote such a sweet account of her visit to Estonia. It’s so kind and I’m really flattered. It is also sharp, witty and very enjoyable reading.
"We looked pretty good in the photo. Actually getting through the 2.5 hour downstream paddling? Not so sure. We tippy-canoed twice. The camera miraculously survived (thanks to Kristina's reflexes and tree-hanging abilities!). We encountered downpours, limbo-worthy trees, curtains of spider webs, dead animals, and shallow water (we had an interesting time rocking the canoe over logs)."
My mom is working in an orphanage with difficult children. Most of them are emotionally disturbed and some of them are disabled. They run away, sleep on the streets with homeless, sniff glue and get drunk. They are brought back dirty, half-conscious and sick. They get irritated, attack people and they may hurt.
These children come from broken families. Their parents abandoned them, some of them died, some became hopelessly alcoholic, and some are in jail for crimes. They have been given to the state to be taken care of.
I’ve been to this orphanage a few times and these kids seemed absolutely normal to me. They were ordinary kids, may be a little shy. They want people to like them, they want to impress, but most of all, they want to be loved. Ironically, love is the most scarce resource in their lives.
Today, I heard pain in my mom’s voice when she said: “I don’t understand why the tutors treat our kids so bad. They are not to blame – they are just children.”
The children are really not to blame. They are caught in a vicious circle – they become what they are because they are not loved, and they are not loved because of what they are.
If you are looking for Kristina from Estonia, who studied in Tallinn Humanitarian School, Tallinn Technical University, worked for AIESEC in Estonia and Norway, then in Harju County Government, then was stuck in New York for a year, then worked for CARAM Asia in Malaysia, and finally ended up studying international politics in the University of Edinburgh in Scotland and writing a research project for Oxfam in Oxford, then here I am. I have a husband Vishen, who is an entrepreneur, and a son Hayden, who is a sleepy-hungry newborn baby.
