It made me sick
Reading Malaysian daily press has always been a tricky task for me. Malaysian (English language) papers are an irritating blend of limited freedom and self-censorship, flawed logic, arrogance and hypocricy. Today, however, I was close to crying, when I found, among other irritating news and articles, the following piece.
A 105-year-old man in Malacca married a 22-year-old girl! Set aside the 83 years of age difference and the fact that the girl was working in her fiance's son's house as a maid (she is from Indonesia), the guy has a 69-year-old wife, 6 children, 19 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. I did not doubt that the two could have become very close as friends, in platonic terms, but one question was tickling my mind, while I was struggling through the article - do they kiss? The last paragraph gave the answer - they hope to have children!
Just as a side-detail for those who are less informed about the Malaysian ways. The guy's first wife is not only still his wife, but she also likes her husband's new wife - the number 2 is kind and caring. I wonder, did this first wife ever fear that her husband would find someone younger when they were getting married? After all, the number 1 is no less than 36 years younger than her crabby hubby.
(The article was published in New Straits Times, Malaysia, November 12, 2006)
A 105-year-old man in Malacca married a 22-year-old girl! Set aside the 83 years of age difference and the fact that the girl was working in her fiance's son's house as a maid (she is from Indonesia), the guy has a 69-year-old wife, 6 children, 19 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. I did not doubt that the two could have become very close as friends, in platonic terms, but one question was tickling my mind, while I was struggling through the article - do they kiss? The last paragraph gave the answer - they hope to have children!
Just as a side-detail for those who are less informed about the Malaysian ways. The guy's first wife is not only still his wife, but she also likes her husband's new wife - the number 2 is kind and caring. I wonder, did this first wife ever fear that her husband would find someone younger when they were getting married? After all, the number 1 is no less than 36 years younger than her crabby hubby.
(The article was published in New Straits Times, Malaysia, November 12, 2006)
posted by Kristina at 5:09 AM
11 Comments:
He doesn't sound very crabby...
Oh Kristina, you sound just like so many Western women who have been rejected by Western men. I wonder why? Perhaps because you don't look after your man? You judge without really knowing...why did you call him 'crabby' when it seems he has generated love in not one, but TWO women. I would say that makes him a very loving and likeable man.
What exactly 'almost made you cry'? The fact that you can't attract a man to love you?
And your assessment of Malaysian newspaper also revealed yet more insecurities and the pre-judgemental attitude you suffer from.
If you live in a foreign country, at least open your eyes and try to broaden your outlook on life. All you have done so far is look for things to criticize. What a shame.
Right, 'crabby' isn't the most suitable word, but 'crabby hubby' sounded too good. Take it as 'discontent', or 'looking for something better' (not the 'grumpy' or 'angry').
Otherwise, no comment...
Kristina, you've been in Asia long enough to know that there are many things done quite openly there which are usually practiced under some different justification in the West. Throw in the Islam factor and things get very different very fast. Just be happy she's not forced to wear a burkha.
Thaithai's comment made me think, because my initial reaction was probably much the same as yours, Kristina. I remember when I was in China seeing quite a few old white men with young attractive Chinese women, and I had to wonder about the relationship -- but then again, the notion of the modern romance is exactly that... modern. The question, then, is whether it is a positive thing, and while I'm inclined to say yes, I think I'd have to have a better understanding of another culture that does things differently before I could aptly judge.
All in all, if she's happy, then I'm happy for them. Of course the possibility exists that she's happy only because she doesn't know of any other way in which to be loved. Maybe I'll meet them sometime and ask them. :)
Writing this from an airport, and quickly, else I'd ramble a fair bit more. Hope you're well, K, and my best, as always, go out to you, your husband and your family.
- B ... a guy who loves you. :-)
(PS. What's your mailing address?)
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Haha... my dear Nino, if it wasn't clear before, I agree that I find the idea a little strange, but perhaps I find it less strange -and therefore possibly acceptable?- due to personal experience. I have a sister who 'loves' a guy who is abusive in every way, shape and form.. now, you and I both know this is utterly wrong, but she's happy.
Now, we can argue all day and night as to whether she's really happy, but in the end, it's how she feels, no? And though I don't understand it, she knows his faults but says she's happy anyways.
And yes, it bugs me a lot.
Getting back to this guy, hey, I agree with you from my 'gut' feeling, but I'm a rational guy and need to consider it that way -- why is this unacceptable? Because he's married to two women? Would it be OK if he just loved two women? What if he loved one but liked the other a REAL lot? Where do you draw the distinction?
And if it's the age, how old is too old? One of my dear friends has a father who is forty years older (and now since deceased) than her mother, but by all accounts, they were tremendously happy together.
In short, if there isn't a rational justification for this being 'wrong', I have a hard time convincing myself that it is so. I don't like things I can't fully understand. :)
That said, let me finally examine one of the last things you wrote : '... how come women are not allowed to generate love in two men'? Who says they're not? I've found it vary rare in life that a woman only has one man who has feelings for her, so she's certainly doing that, no? It's just that in most societies, eventually a choice is made between the two (or more!), and that ends. Maybe in Malaysia, that's less the case.
So, to sum up, I don't know what the answer is here and I certainly started with your frame of thought, too.. but I can't back it up with a solid argument for why, so I have to accept the idea that maybe I'm actually wrong. ;)
(This is long enough, else I'd try to draw a parallel with how a LOT of people feel that homosexuality is 'just wrong'. Maybe next time!)
Hehe.. on that note, I hope you're doing well! And you, too, Kristina... and my apologies for writing so much on your blog. I swear that never-appearing e-mail will surface one of these days. ;)
Love,
- B
Dear friends, by no means did I try to judge the two (or the three to be exact. I don't think I am in any position to tell them what is right or wrong. What revolts me is the environment, or the circumstances, which cause such choices and decisions. The environment, which puts a woman into submissive and inferior position, in the situation where she just doesn't know any better, has no other alternative. And it is not a mere gut feeling, which tells me that polygamy is wrong and same sex marriages are right. It is the notion of justice and equality.
We all have 'the wrong' feelings once in a while, but the ability to take responsible decisions, despite what we feel, is what makes us civilised people.
Sorry, if I sounded too prudish, I still cherish the monkey inside me :)
And Brian, you are so welcome with all your comments... and I'm still waiting for that letter.
Hugs to Nini and thanks to everyone for their oppinion!
Wow, it's late here, and I gotta be up early, so this is just a quickie until tomorrow sometime:
a) Kristina and Nini, I miss you. :)
b) You make an excellent point about the notion of justice and equality, and this is kind of what I was getting it - arguing with people based on 'gut' doesn't work because it varies so much, but reason, such as the aspect of inequality, is a different beast. It'd be interesting to know what Thaithai thinks about that.
Anyways, I must sleep.. hope you're all having a wonderful day, and talk more soon?
Love,
- B
Dirty old men need love too. :)
"by no means did I try to judge the two (or the three to be exact. I don't think I am in any position to tell them what is right or wrong."
She doesn't know any better, huh? You aren't criticizing, but she just doesn't know any better?
"which puts a woman into submissive and inferior position, in the situation where she just doesn't know any better, has no other alternative"
Submission is not inferiority. When did feminism become anti-femininity, pro-masculinity?
Well, be sure to tell them that they also worship the wrong God and that their government needs to be fixed too. You've got this whole thing figured out, you clever mynx.
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